he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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