Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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