Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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