Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
