The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
