Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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