I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
