the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
