she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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