I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
