I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
