Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
