Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
