jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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