you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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