i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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