Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig

Fav 29 4966 1470
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

Fav 11 3652 1555
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(303): View more from Colorado

I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty

Fav 3 995 793
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(503): View more from Oregon

She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.

Fav 2 1952 636
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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash

Fav 2 575 482
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(843): View more from South Carolina

please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell

Fav 2 811 369
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?

Fav 0 32 13
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(651): View more from Minnesota

First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet

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