I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
