For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
