Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
