she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
