Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
