I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize