You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
