i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
