You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize