Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
