i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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