my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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