I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
