hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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