My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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