Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
