My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
