There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
