She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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