Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
