I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
