then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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