**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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