I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
