Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
