I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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