I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
