The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
