Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
