I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
