Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
