I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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