It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
