I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
