he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
