You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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