You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you repeat that, but with context?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
