no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
