i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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