Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize