So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
