Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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