So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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