I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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