if you like me you must not know who I am
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
