Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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