just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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