theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
