I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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