Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
