Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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