There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
