What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize