I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
