I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
