They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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