Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she pinky promised me she was 18
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
