dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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