Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
