I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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