You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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