Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
