I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize