i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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