Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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