also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize