what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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