1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
