You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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