Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
