mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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