I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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