How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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