and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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