On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
