I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
