Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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