8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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