To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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