Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
