Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize