so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
