So drunk its hurt
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
