he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I look better un-naked...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
