I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
