I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
