Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
