Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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