You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
