when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
