I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Damn victory sex feels great
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
