She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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