I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
