I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
