apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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