yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
