What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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