I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
