So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
