Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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