dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
