I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
