I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize